So following a string of about
20 rejections with no requests at all, I figured it was time to go through and revamp things a little more. Since I posted my last query letter, I've since defined what makes my story unique. I also realized that most agents receive thousands of queries, hence the delay in getting back to you.
The hardest part of being a writer is not getting feedback I think.
If not, you go on in your merry way, thinking you've written the best thing on the planet, and it's the agents' problems they aren't taking your manuscript and sending it to every publisher in the world. I decided though if after twenty query rejections, I would go back and revise.
Again, I had to find what was unique about my YA paranormal fantasy when it's a
tough sell. Thanks to some already established authors, they helped me to see that my conflict and world building is what makes my book unique.
So I focused on that (It took lots of thinking and deleting) but I really enjoy the final product. I post it here not necessarily for your criticism (though it's always welcome) but more so for your feedback and progress..
Here it is:
Dear AGENT XXXXX:
First of all, I wanted to thank you in advance for your hard work and the time you put in for aspiring authors, despite having an incredibly busy schedule. On your bio, you have said you are seeking XXXXXXXXXXXX, and for those reasons I feel my manuscript would be a terrific fit for your representation!
I am Unbroken is a YA fiction, most relevant to the paranormal fantasy genre. It currently totals 97,000 words. Those readers enjoying such titles as Alice in Zombieland or The Vampire Diaries will readily identify with its style of writing.
Sixteen-year-old Gavin Ashmore had always suspected his family was different, maybe even insane to the point of hearing voices and seeing “ghosts.” His own father had even walked out on the family in a fit of paranoia when Gavin was younger, insisting that someone was after him, putting their whole family in danger.
But lifelong loner Gavin doesn’t believe, won’t believe any of it. He has other mundane teenage drama to deal with – his politician step-father, the class bullies, and rolling his eyes as the cheerleaders “LOL” with each other. That’s why he takes it upon himself to wish for a different life on his sixteenth birthday.
But Gavin wasn’t prepared for how different his life was about to become after the plane crash.
Following the accident, Gavin begins to see and hear things, just like his family he thought was so crazy. Because of that ability, he learns that an ancient spirit named Cain has been searching for Gavin, and now that he turned sixteen, Gavin becomes vulnerable to Cain. Gavin learns he is one of many in a long line of Ashmore's that has received the title of Unbroken, the curse bearers. This curse acts as collateral to keep Cain stuck between the living and dead worlds, thus imprisoning him in a nearly impenetrable cell. As with anything, there is still one provision to break Cain free, and that lies within the very heart of Gavin Ashmore.
To survive, Gavin must learn to fight Cain. He can only do it with the help of his own guardian angel, Alina, a beautiful dark-haired Italian teen who lived centuries ago. As he trains however, Gavin learns he has his own unique ability to manipulate spirits, a talent only one other in history has possessed - Cain. Gavin himself must decide if he will destroy Cain or take his place as one of the most powerful beings on the planet.
In trade, I am a dentist, but my heart has always been in writing. I have published several articles in various dental journals, and have even won scholarships by writing essays. I also maintain a blog called “Christian Quits His Day Job,” which describes my process as a writer. However, I am seeking to do more with my passion of writing, and so I turn to you for your help to make this dream come true.
Thank you so much for your time, which I know is precious. While I have included a sample of the first 5 pages, a partial or full manuscript is ready at your request.
