1st Draft of the Query Letter

The dreaded query letter...how do you some up your entire year plus' worth of writing into a few paragraphs. It's probably the hardest thing I've encountered, and I think the hardest part of it all is you never really know what the agents are thinking when they look at it, or if they even look at it.

So I thought it would be appropriate starting out if I place a copy of my first draft query letter as an example of how things can evolve over time. I haven't gotten any requests, partial or full, for this first one, so I thought a revision was needed. I will post that at a later date, and will hopefully hear back from some agents in the mean time.

Without further ado, here is my first query letter. Judge it how you will...critique is always welcome...

Dear AGENT XXXXXX:

When lifelong loner Gavin Ashmore makes the wish for his sixteenth birthday to be different, he never realized exactly how different his life was about to become.

For one, there’s his newly discovered, beautiful guardian angel, Alina, who saves him from certain death, propelling Gavin full throttle into the Otherworld, the realm of spirits who have unfinished business on earth. Second, there’s the evil spirit Cain, trying to resurrect himself to deal with some centuries-long grudge and take over the world. Third, there’s that little bit about Gavin being the Unbroken, a curse bearer that stands as the only hurdle stopping Cain from fulfilling his darkest desires. Puberty was nothing compared to this dramatic change. Life was about to be different for Gavin Ashmore...big time.

My debut novel, Gavin Ashmore and The Unbroken (100,000 words) is a contemporary YA fiction, entering the mind of a teenage boy dealing with many of the challenges that confront teens today, such as step parents, popularity, life goals, love and death. The dynamic love interest between the protagonist, Gavin, and his guardian angel creates a whole host of interesting possibilities that should entertain any young adult.  

Even though I’ve entered the professional world with a career in dentistry, I feel as though deeply ingrained within me is a passion to create worlds, characters, and plots through literature. My day is filled with anxious patients and caring for my little girls at home, but sitting down at the keyboard to write a few lines disconnects me from that world of reality and lets me enter into a whole new one that’s my own making. I hope to have the opportunity to share this world with others.

Thank you in advance for your consideration, as well as your time, which I know is precious. While I have included a sample of my first chapter, a full manuscript is available for you upon request.

Sincerely,

Christian Smith

What have you done in your query letter that works? Tweet me/message me and let me know. Thanks!

-C